


A Dream that Soars, A Wish that Follows

by Nature_Nymph



Series: The Calm Before the Storm [4]
Category: Berserk
Genre: Canon Related, F/M, Lime
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-01
Updated: 2018-01-01
Packaged: 2019-02-26 08:42:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13232151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nature_Nymph/pseuds/Nature_Nymph
Summary: On the night before the Hawks depart on their Griffith Rescue mission, Guts and Casca take particular care to reflect on their new found relationship and what they both want in order for their own dreams to be realized. But things can get messy -VERY messy. A two part fic.





	A Dream that Soars, A Wish that Follows

**Author's Note:**

> It's a new year, so after careful consideration I've decided to release another serialized fic from my archive, having started this about four years ago. I told myself that I wouldn't release any more serializations until I released the final chapter of Breakthrough, but the fact that it's been so many years (about five) and I'm *still* working on it... I'm confident that I'll finish it. Just have faith in me!
> 
> Plus I've been over at FF.net and there are fics that started in 2007 that are STILL ongoing.
> 
> We're Berserk fans. The apple doesn't fall far from the creator's tree.

Normally, evenings such as this were calm out of instinct. After Griffith's capture, the Band of the Hawk was always on edge, ready for the enemy - their former allies in the Kingdom of Midland - to strike again. They could never be too quiet, the fire never being too bright to attract attention.

The fires were bright with life, just as they were at the height of the Hawks' glory days. This time, though, with Griffith gone, the fire's halo seemed weaker.

This wasn't a bonfire of dreams, but a bonfire of hope.

This would be the last night all of them would be together like this. Tomorrow's morning light would begin the Griffith rescue operation, to bring their leader home.

In that moment, Guts felt a presence settling behind him. Warmth tickled his back instead of goosebumps as a body pressed against his, and a pair of familiar arms in a lose embrace crossed his chest. Casca rested her chin on his shoulder, gazing at the flames as she shared this solemness with her comrades. Dressed even more casually than normal, a simple, arm-baring tunic in Guts' fashion, Casca wasn't the acting leader of the Band of the Hawk for the first time in what seemed like ages: she was just Casca, among her friends, and to Guts.

Guts acknowledged her silently, only gripping her forearm gently. Their gaze was held captive by the flames, just as everyone around them were. No one needed to speak to each other, since they all had the same thoughts in their minds.

_We're going to get through this._

_We've got to pull through._

_Griffith is coming back!_

_If we can only last a little while longer..._

_We'll fly again._

_We'll fly together._

Casca tilted her towards Guts, resting their temples together. So peaceful they were in the moment, Casca caressing the clothed skin of Guts' chest as he did the same for her bare arm, that it felt, to them at least, that they were reading each others thoughts.

_Once we get Griffith back..._  
_... we can embark on our own dream._

Their bonfire of hope, this moment that they would always share till the end of their days, was quite a hypnotic and entrancing moment: so entrancing that Guts and Casca, still in their partial embrace, weren't even aware when the moment had ended, all eyes on them.

To a pair of lovers in proper Midland society, this would have been where the couple broke apart, only to rendezvous later beyond the watchful eye of conservative society to keep the virtue of their love intact. The Band of the Hawk, mercenaries on the outlier of Midland society, did things differently.

"Ummmmm..." Casca mumbled, the timbre of her voice clearly not that of a leader's, but more of the coquettish teenage girl that Casca was behind the armor.

"Yes?" Guts finished bluntly. They were caught in the moment, but neither moved from their positions, not even Casca. Their stillness wasn't due to shock or anything of the sort: they just didn't care to move. Why should they be hiding their relationship? The Hawks would be quite dulled of their senses if they hadn't caught on to what was happening between them. And besides, there was no rank here, no facade to keep to maintain order: only friends.

"Oh! It's nothin', captain!" peeped Gaston, scratching his head in a nervous manner. The other men followed suit and gave an assortment of shrugs and embarrassed laughs, even mumbles of congratulations for some reason or another.

“Seesh,” Guts said under his own breath, rolling his eyes as Casca giggled at the Hawks' sincere but confused affection. Her eyes crossed over to the commanders. Pippin was giving his silent nod of approval as Rickert couldn't help but blush in immaturity. Judeau, in his subtle nature, gave the couple a smile; Casca almost swore that it had a hint of bittersweetness in it, and her gaze softened toward him, feeling the slightest twinge of guilt. All that was left was Corkus, who didn't even care to give the couple a second glance away from his bottle of ale, but cared to grumble instead.

"Geez you two. Get a room already if you're going to be slobbering all over each other."

"Corkus..." Casca bit between her teeth in that tone that he hated. Leave it to Corkus to ruin the mood with his local social commentary.

“What?! So you're screwin' each other now! It ain't a secret! I'm surprised it hasn't happened already. It probably would have saved us some trouble...” He had mumbled the last part taking a swig of ale.

Casca got ready to bark back, but Guts interrupted. "Actually, Corkus, you're right," he said, in an unusually professional voice, almost as though he was mocking Casca's demeanor. "This is neither the time nor the place for this."

Everyone - even Corkus - knew that Guts and professionalism didn't mix, so it wasn't too surprising that as soon as he suggested limiting he and Casca's public display of affection, he quickly spun around, catching Casca off guard as he stood up and brought her over his shoulders.

"What the -!?" Casca flustered once she realized what he was doing to her. "GUTS!! _PUT ME DOWN THIS INSTANT!!_ "

Holding her thrashing body securely in place with one strong arm over her back, Guts turned on his heel and made his way toward Casca's tent, ignoring her verbal and physical protests.

"See ya in the morning, fellas," Guts called out, voice over one shoulder with struggling leader over the other. It was a pity for Guts that he couldn't see Casca's face flush red from fury and embarrassment, but the howls and jeers of their comrades gave him a guess at how much he was going to pay for doing this later on.

 _If_ she even bothered to remember punishing him after they were done.

When they were inside their tent, the boyish hoots and howls dwindled, but as usual, Corkus wasn't part of the cacophony, and gave an unsettling revelation.

“Fuck. Now we have to hear them.”

* * *

  
Casca could barely contain her excitement as she climaxed for the last time. Guts had already finished inside of her, but he didn't allow that to stop him from pleasing her to completeness. Tears began trickling from her eyes, caused from both the intensity and her struggle to stifle a moan that threatened to draw too much attention to their tent. She really wanted to scream too. She wanted Guts to know how much she enjoyed their lovemaking, how much she loved him. It still wouldn't be enough though, because nothing was ever enough to express that: not sex, not kissing, not their sweet utterances of affection.

Knowing that was the cause of Casca's tears as well, but she wouldn't tell Guts. He already felt enough guilt whenever he saw her crying while they were together like this, out of fear that he hurt her. Regardless, most of her tears were from happiness - and that was enough to keep her from being vexed at Guts about earlier. Neither of them cared anymore. They were the only ones that matter in that moment.

She managed to wipe away the tears just as Guts collapsing at her side, his massive chest rising and falling in close succession. "That!... Was the best!" Guts groaned in between catching a breath.

Casca's body was still quivering, and she wasn't particularly paying attention to what Guts was saying. They both needed rest – Guts especially after exerting so much to please her – but she eventually noticed that their afterglow would have to wait, and engaged Guts in his commentary. "You've said that every time!" Casca heaved, remembering how vigorous their previous nights were. Guts might have been right this time, since she had an even harder time breathing than before.

Guts turned to Casca, grinning. "Because it keeps getting better - " he began kissing her neck, " - and better." Casca recoiled in delight as Guts continued to trail his lips from her neck to her chest, releasing pleasure-filled giggles as he touch her more ticklish spots. His finger became adventurous again, particularly right around her waist on her left side, from his want to hear her giggle. Guts could hardly remember hearing Casca laugh before his departure, let alone with the mess happening to the Hawks right now. He wanted to see her smile like this more often, like the time at the victory ball. Hopefully there would be more of that to come.

For the time being, Casca had her fill on laughter, trying to push Guts off her as he continued his tickle assault. She grabbed her pillow from beneath her and pummeled him. "Stop it!" she said, smothering Guts into submission. This time she was the one wearing the devilish grin, tempted to give Guts the same treatment. He wasn't the only one who knew the others bodily secrets - and she knew that he was quite sensitive around his neck and those ears of his.

"Dammit Casca!" Guts breathed from under the pillow, his legs flailing in the air. She held her pose with light pressure, trying to bend her body out of his arm's reach, but Casca's luck ran out when Guts managed to grab her and roll her body over onto his other side. She gave a playful yelp as Guts rolled on top and trapped her beneath him, having tossed the pillow across the tent. He grabbed both of her wrist and pinned them above her, giving good exposure to her shapely breasts. The devilish grin was his again.

"What are you gonna do now, huh?" He smiled victoriously as Casca gave a feigned sigh of defeat.

"I guess I'm at your mercy now."

"You know it."

"You're going to continue ravishing me, aren't you?"

"You bet I am." He crouched lower so that their noses almost touched. "It'll all be over soon..."

His plan was simply to kiss Casca, but before he could feel the taste of her soft, supple lips, he felt a pinch on his nose. Guts recoiled, releasing Casca from his faux vice grip.

"You bit me on the nose!" Guts glared.

Casca shrugged as she sat up. “It's your own fault. Men should know by now that they can't have their way with me that easily."

Guts didn't like what that implied, but he pushed it to the back of his head, because Casca was clearly having fun with it, so Guts would also. He watched her as she sat completely up, folding her knees to bring them into a hug. Her head was lowered enough for her bangs to hide an eye, but revealed the gleam of playfulness in them as she bit the tip of her thumb. Casca cocked a smile, glinting her teeth not unlike how he often did himself; he did so again as he edged back to her, his large frame closing around her smaller body as the two stared into each other at eye level.

“You,” Guts said, his voice soft and low, “are such a bitch.” There wasn't an ounce of aggression in Guts' voice when he said that word. His tone came across as a compliment, a far departure from their earlier days of venom and vitriol. He wouldn't be saying that word very much from now on – at least not when referring to Casca.

Casca closed in so their lips barely touched, her voice barely a whisper either. “A bitch and her mad dog.”

The two closed their distance, gently connecting their foreheads, regarding the other with the same mischievous smile. Deep kisses followed as the couple embraced, guiding themselves back to their bedding. Guts and Casca wanted to persist longer, but by now, both were finally too tired to carrying on with kissing even, so they finally allowed themselves to settle in to enjoy the afterglow of their final evening. This would be the last time that they would be doing this for awhile, depending on how Griffith's rescue went...

 _No_ , Casca affirmed herself. _We aren't going to die. We're just going to be more focused from now on._ Focus was right, so it was best that they got everything out of their system: everything they fantasized about doing, everything that didn't pertain to the mission ahead, anything that was concerning them about their future together.

After awhile, before Guts had the chance to doze off, Casca prepped herself to speak. What she was about to propose could get... messy.

"So... Guts," she started out, in a casual and nonchalant mode, hand propping her head up as she shifted her eyes over Guts, who was still in a state of whimsy from their session. It prevented him from fully falling into slumber, but he was edging closer.

"How did you know to do the thing with your mouth and - you know - my -?" Guts asked groggily, disregarding Casca.

"What???" Casca asked, becoming half flustered when she remembered her part in playing out each of their fantasies. Her loins were still sore, deliciously achy from Guts' attention, and the thought just made her tired body throb for more. She shook her head to clear her mind of those thoughts and continued.

"... Boys or girls?"

"Huh?" Guts perked and became more aware of Casca.

"I asked... do you prefer boys or girls?" Casca inquired again, keeping her voice steady.

Guts' face lit with mild suspicion in place of his earlier confusion. "... Boys or girls for what, exactly?"

Something inside Casca wanted her to tense, not sure of Guts' pending reaction to the idea she was trying to plant, but she wouldn't let the feeling get to her just yet. As an attempt to quell him if needed, she crept closer to him. "Guts...” she spoke his name slowly, sensually, trying to ease onto him gently. “Be realistic for a bit, will you?” She pressed her body against his, fitting her curves into his. “You said that you wanted me to come with you after this mission... that you wanted to make love to me a thousand times more...”

A strange mixture of arousal and confusion stirred in Guts. There was no mistaking that he made that declaration, a hearty exaggeration of his attraction and fondness towards Casca. And he didn't regret it one bit, nor had he intentions of taking back his word. Even if they would never meet that goal, he wanted to be with her.

“And what of it?” Guts asked directly.

Casca was taken aback by his tone and directness still, but she pushed on. “Well... hasn't it crossed your mind that children might enter the equation soon?”

At this, Guts finally shot up, Casca's bodily persuasions no longer working their magic on him. Instead, now she felt her body shrinking against Guts' broad form, even though he wasn't enraged, just alert.

" _Children?!_ " He yelled quietly. Guts was trying to put Casca's words and his thoughts into a coherent sentence. "You mean... you want to have a -" He still couldn't put words to the tongue, so he gestured his hand to what was suppose to be the height of a small child (though from his position, it would have been the height of the fabled elves).

"If what you're referring to is a 'baby'," Casca inserted while sitting up, "then, well..." she trailed off, and with it, more of her momentum. She could admit to herself that she wasn't always conscious or driven with this sort of thing, given her occupation and the hazards that came with it; that said, she was probably the last woman on earth who was suited for motherhood. But she knew that her life wasn't always going to be like this, and as overwhelming as the thought of her no longer being under the White Hawk's flag was, Casca could only conceal that she was anticipating a new future with Guts. And if they were going to be as active as they've been for the past week, it wouldn't be unheard of for her to think about the more domestic side of such a relationship. "... Let's just say I'm open to the possibility, is all."

Casca couldn't make out Guts' expression. He was frowning, but he wasn't livid with anger. There was a great deal of frustration on his face, though, and eventually Guts relaxed enough to let his shoulders sag and to let out a sigh, but the frustration never left as he covered his face with his hand, as was his custom when under stress or annoyance.

 _Dammit. Why don't I ever pull out?_ He thought.

“Casca,” he said calmly, but still with a hint of frustration, “have you really given this any thought?”

“Well, during our first time, I didn't,” Casca admitted. “But then when the second time and the third time and the fourth time came and you didn't really mind pulling out...”

_God DAMMIT._

Casca continued and paid no attention to Guts' flabbergasted reactions, “I've heard of certain methods of discouraging pregnancy, but I don't have them on hand and it's not as though I was intending for any of this to happen...” She felt like a child again, making up excuses for her bad judgment, but she began to rectify her intent. “But even so, why shouldn't we think about it? After we rescue Griffith and get the Hawks in order... wouldn't you want a family?”

Guts frowned. “Casca, did you forget that we're _mercenaries_? We weren't raised to be thinking about this sort of stuff.”

"You mean _you_ were raised a mercenary," Casca corrected with her own irritation growing. "And did you forget where I came from, the life I had before joining the Hawks? You were born into this world, raised to be a fighter. Before all of this, I was just a farmer's daughter. Me and my sisters were raised to be wives and mothers."

Guts shifted, furrowing his brow even more. This was going into uncomfortable territory for him, especially with Casca talking about her early life, her estranged family. The Hawks were so much a part of Casca that he sometimes forgot that she had just been a farmer's daughter: a pure girl who belonged to her father until marriage, a father who would do god-knows-what if he were to ever find out what life his daughter was living now. But why would he care? According to Casca, he basically sold her out.

_Fathers don't seem to be much different wherever you go._

"Well, you're not in that life anymore," Guts settled his voice with an affirming tone. "You don't need to adhere to it."

"I _know_ that, Guts," Casca said, well aware of the autonomy that she was given over her own womanhood, a rare gift. She knew that Guts was trying to say it in a way that respected her autonomy, but she still didn't like his tone in the matter, as though he was in a position of control over her like a husband to his wife. “But I want there to be more to my life than just fighting.”

“Can't you think of something a little more than just playing house?” Guts suggested, rather cruelly. He didn't want to sound like an ass, but he was getting more annoyed.

“' _Playing house_ '?” Casca repeated, which made Guts flinch at the taste of his own venom. “So your wish to go play soldier boy is any better?”

Guts huffed, half from anger and half from nervousness. He wanted to dig himself out of the hole he created, but the two emotions combined proved to be detrimental. “All I'm saying is that if you come with me... all bets are off. This isn't going to be some fairytale happy ending. My life will be on the line, your life will be on the line... we can't be certain of anything, especially with any extra baggage you want to carry.”

As irritated as Guts was with this conversation, he instantly regretted his words when he saw the hurt on Casca's face, an impeccable mirror of that day in the cave a year ago. She paused, processing what Guts had just told her, confusion interlined with the hurt, but her expression eventually became void with just the slightest hint of a smile that held no happiness.

"Heh. You're blissfully happy whenever I spread my legs for you," Casca said, disappointment roaming in her voice. "Is that it? You just want me around as a doll to pleasure you in between wandering around looking for a fight, looking for your answer in life? You can't be tethered down by my 'womanly needs and wants', just my services."

"That's not what I meant," Guts defended, but Casca decided to turned her back to him, reclining onto the bedding. He was angry, but with himself now, unsure of how the evening took a turn down this path. He curled his fist into the blanket, but released it.

"What do you mean then?" she asked over her shoulder, hoping that the hurt wasn't evident in her voice. "Why did you even ask me to come with you, other than to...?”

Guts opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came forth from his lips. Casca figured he was truly without an answer, or that he thought it best to salvage the situation and to bite his tongue of what he really wanted to say.

"... Okay. I get it," Casca concluded with a sourness in her voice. "You don't need to say anything else." She pulled the blanket over her body, signifying the end of their evening activities on a harsh note. "Good night, Guts."

"Casca - "

"I said, 'good night.'"

**Author's Note:**

> So this is basically the movie trilogy variant of my first Berserk fic, "Wagon." I wanted to explore more of Guts and Casca's new relationship, only this story focuses less on the sex and more on the emotional hang ups that come with being a couple. I focused on the babymaking aspect since hey - it's something that I would think the two would have to talk about eventually. When I first started reading Berserk I always thought about how Guts and Casca would approach the event of Casca being impregnated by Guts given the lives they led, and I've hinted on that SEVERAL TIMES in previous fics. This is the first time I've decided to have the couple address this heads on, and well, it's sloppy, like most relationship stuff.
> 
> Did this seem a bit mean-spirited, especially on Guts' part? Maybe, but again, I imagine this being a not-so-whimsical discussion from both parties, and hopefully I'll do well to wrap up the conflict in the next and last chapter. In the end, this all branches out from a greater concern I have with the narrative, especially when it comes to Casca. Don't get me wrong: I love Guts and Casca's romance and the character development Casca goes through during the Griffith rescue arc, but we never really got to that point of Casca asking what she wanted in life aside from being attached to the men she holds dearest to her. She said in an inner monologue that her purpose was to be Guts' heart, which is nice and all and her status as Guts' morality chain is a recurring element, but... girl what's *your* life endeavors? 
> 
> And the thing is is that she doesn't need to have an immediate answer: Guts' didn't when questioned about his own dreams. But it's something that I would have liked to have seen be addressed in the narrative, and that's pretty much another one of the many tragedies of Casca's disrupted character arc as a result of the Eclipse. 
> 
> Sometimes I really do wish she was a character in another story that treated her more justly. 
> 
> ... Well THAT was an emotionally loaded tirade.
> 
> Bonus: Guts and Casca's pose in the first part was inspired by the chapter art for "Twilight of Soldiers" in volume 12.


End file.
